Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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