STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
