when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
