whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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