Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize