Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
