I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
