he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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