maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
