Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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