All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
