it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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