I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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