There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
