I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
