I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
