Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
