I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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