so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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