I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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