I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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