Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
