I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
