I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
