I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's always time for handjobs
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
