someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
