checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
