Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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