We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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