i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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