I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
