Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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