then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
