he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
