so explain again why im purple
no
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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