craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
