i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize