Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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