I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
And then he peed in my hair
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