He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
