so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
