At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize