my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
