We won't sleep together?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
