Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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