i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
