Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
