if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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