Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
