i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
