boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
