Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
