Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
