You really coming over, don't trick.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
