So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
