i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
