God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
