Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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