I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
