is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
