You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
