I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
