she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
