Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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