I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
