Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
