I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize