Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
