i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
