I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
