I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
