Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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