I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
