About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
