you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
