Screwed.edu
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We left the knife in your bed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
