worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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